Sunday, June 8, 2008
Way to soon
Isn't it funny that when we want time to rush by us it goes so slowly you feel like you are going to die? But when we are trying to savor every memory and cherish every moment, as us army wives do when our DH is leaving, it rushes by. I feel as though I have fallen into that boat today, I have been acting as if nothing is wrong for so long that I swear a 2x4 slapped me in the head today. He is leaving (of course I already knew that) but it is time, and I have to let go and face it. I thought I would be able to be strong until after he left but I lost it today and I haven't been able to stop the flow of tears that I don't want him to see. He is so excited to go and serve his country and I don't want to take that away from him, through tears. Doesn't it break their hearts enough that they are leaving their family behind, that any extra flow of tears and emotions isn't good for them. I get that they need to know we will miss them and that we love them, I knew it was going to be hard I just didn't expect it to be impossible. I thought I was stronger than this. So what do we do when we can't face the person we love because we don't want them to hurt? How do we handle this situation? Will it get easier to deal with in time? I don't think it does, as I was in church crying after service my best friend came up and hugged me and then started crying because she misses her DH so much it breaks her heart everyday. So does this mean that I am going to be a walking basket case for the next 15 months? Am I strong enough to lean on someone that isn't my DH? I know that I have a wonderful family through our church and I feel blessed but I am not the type of person to lean on anyone or ask for help. So after he leaves, what do I do? How do I be strong when I feel so weak?
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1 comment:
I'm not an Army wife, I'm an Army mom, but moms deal with alot of the same emotions that wives do. The thing that helped me the most with my baby boy's first deployment was writing about my feelings. In the process, I made some great friends here in milblogland who were going through the same thing. We cried together, sweated the silence together, offered a shoulder and sounding block for each other, and rejoiced together as each soldier came home. It also helped that I had a friend who had been to Iraq before who didn't mind me asking stupid questions..... :) Now my baby boy is going again...I thought it would be easier this time, but I've decided it doesn't ever get easier. So, the roller coaster ride begins again. Hang in there, you'll find that you're not alone, there are alot of us out here.
By the way, I've added you to my list of military families on my blog. I hope you don't mind... :)
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