Way to soon

Isn't it funny that when we want time to rush by us it goes so slowly you feel like you are going to die? But when we are trying to savor every memory and cherish every moment, as us army wives do when our DH is leaving, it rushes by. I feel as though I have fallen into that boat today, I have been acting as if nothing is wrong for so long that I swear a 2x4 slapped me in the head today. He is leaving (of course I already knew that) but it is time, and I have to let go and face it. I thought I would be able to be strong until after he left but I lost it today and I haven't been able to stop the flow of tears that I don't want him to see. He is so excited to go and serve his country and I don't want to take that away from him, through tears. Doesn't it break their hearts enough that they are leaving their family behind, that any extra flow of tears and emotions isn't good for them. I get that they need to know we will miss them and that we love them, I knew it was going to be hard I just didn't expect it to be impossible. I thought I was stronger than this. So what do we do when we can't face the person we love because we don't want them to hurt? How do we handle this situation? Will it get easier to deal with in time? I don't think it does, as I was in church crying after service my best friend came up and hugged me and then started crying because she misses her DH so much it breaks her heart everyday. So does this mean that I am going to be a walking basket case for the next 15 months? Am I strong enough to lean on someone that isn't my DH? I know that I have a wonderful family through our church and I feel blessed but I am not the type of person to lean on anyone or ask for help. So after he leaves, what do I do? How do I be strong when I feel so weak?

9 days

The time is getting closer, I did talk to DH last night about who he will be last night. I talked to one of my friends yesterday morning and since her husband has been home things are getting progressively worse. I am not going to lie it scared me down to the very core of my being. I have a wonderful husband and should this change him I wont know what I should do about it. I don't want to be like my friends and be afraid to broch the subjects that are hard to deal with. I also want him to know if he comes back and acts as they are, I wont hesitate to get him help to fix the problem, I am not going to be afraid of helping him. I know military men care about their careers first and foremost, and some of the things that go on behind closed doors that I am seeing would or could end some careers. I just know if it were my husband I would stop at nothing to get him help, his well being is more important to me than anything else. I guess I can feel this way because I know he is going to be retiring soon after he gets back.
He is so excited to go, this is what he joined for. He is finally able to do something with all o his training! If not this then what is the military all about. I fully support my husbands career and I am reluctantly supporting this. I know I am going to miss him, I have to give it to God that he will be safe. When we posted his flag at church yesterday and had his going away party, it truly hit me that he is leaving. I am going to lose my best friend for the next 15 months. That is such a long time.
How are my kids going to handle this? Can I be the mother and father to them that they will need? How do I try to fill such large shoes? Daddy is always the hero, we are the caretakers, how will they feel without him for so long?
Sometimes I feel like I have more questions than answers!